Here I am. I am moved and getting used to life in a new state. It's incredibly surreal. Tonight, I'm missing my little sister. I've always felt like she's my own daughter. It's so strange not seeing her every day. Not waking up to the sounds of her laughter, her playing, even her crying. I even miss that heartbreaking cry. What is it about a baby that can give the heartless someone to love? Give the lonely company. How do they do that? No matter the mood, she could make me smile. When she would cry, she would reach for me and I could make her laugh. There is no laugh as beautiful as the laugh of my little Ariadne. I haven't heard her laugh in days.

The worst part? It makes me need my best friend. My Lovely. Someone who's hundreds of miles away.

Life in general

So, it has been a while for me. Life has been so hectic. I've been doing nothing but packing to move to Utah and really get this started. My best friend and sister will be here in a mere 6 days, at which time we will put the finishing touches on my room, have one last day to enjoy the bay, and then on the 28th we will load ourselves into my car and make our way to [a suburb of] SLC. It should only take about 10 hours, considering we'll be switching off driving duties and only stopping for the essentials. We'll be arriving on a Thursday evening, following which we will have a nice weekend before she goes to Oregon with her family. While they're gone (for about a week) I will be hanging out with her friends and looking for a job. I'll also be going to Pride in SLC, which I'm obscenely excited about. After all this time trying to get comfortable with my sexuality, I will finally be in an environment where I can be completely myself. I mean, I'm pretty "out" already, but there I don't have to tone it down for the family. I don't have to worry about hearing that my mother will never get grand kids or that I'll never get married. I feel like who I am is suppressed here. I can't be pierced and loud. I have to hide my sexuality, which is a huge part of me. My mother still thinks I have never been with anyone. Oblivious to a 2-year relationship. Oblivious to every relationship.

I'm rambling now. There was actually another point to this entry: Religion.

I discuss religion quite often, as I feel it is a huge part of my life. Lately, it has helped me a lot through everything, and on a daily basis helps me keep a hold on who I really am. My problem is this: lately I come across a lot of very passionate Christians who play the victim, are willfully ignorant, and put on a holier-than-thou attitude. I will always accept people no matter their race, religion, sexuality, gender identity, etc. Always. The problem is, I fear I am forming a negative opinion about an entire group because I keep coming across these types. I worry that I am becoming wary of all Christians because of those I continue to come across with negative attitudes. I hate being that person. I don't like making judgements about people right away unless it's an energy I feel coming from them, as that's something I've learned to trust in over the years.

To be honest, I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but I suppose I'll be back with more on the subject eventually.